Christmas Part II

My first Christmas in Thailand was spent in Pattaya, a legendarily sleazy beach town 2 hours southeast of Bangkok. Pattaya is the kind of place where you become so giddily happy in the first few hours of getting there you never ever want to leave. You run around in a sea of seeming lawlessness and pervasive vice, stay up all night, sit on the beach, swim in your hotel pool and eat fresh fruit, while away the hours in the most pointless of pursuits. Drink, drink, drink. You think, “This is a fucking Disneyland, man! This is incredible!” Then you have one 2PM beer too many, you see one 58 year old shirtless British stevedore too many, you realize the girls calling you “handsome man” are also saying it to the guy stumbling around with a black eye (I know because I’ve been that guy there) and next thing you know you’re crouched in the corner of your hotel room with the lights off and a gun in your mouth. There is no place on earth like this town.

Naturally I wanted to spend Christmas there, and did. Christmas night at maybe 11 o’clock I was sitting on a curb, on the phone with someone back in the states, when I saw a fight involving 5 bar girls and a man carrying a life-size stuffed Santa. The curb was on Walking Street, a mile long stretch of go go bars stacked three stories high, and the double wide street was clogged with tourist families, sex tourists, working girls, ex-pats and food delivery motorcycles moving in both directions when this guy walked past with the giant Santa under one arm and two bar girls on either side of him and then all hell broke loose. Three other bar girls came running up behind them screaming. No posturing, no threats – an all out brawl involving six people and a 5 foot tall stuffed Santa Claus erupted instantaneously. Somehow the guy never lost hold of the Santa, he had a girl’s hair in one hand and the Santa in the other and was fighting off a second girl with hip checks. I couldn’t tell if the attackers were after the Santa or someone owed money or a boyfriend had been discovered cheating or what. They were all outrageously drunk. One of the girls running up actually dropkicked one of the other girls – genuine martial arts executed perfectly – it was incredible. They also continued moving past the whole time and within forty seconds or so were out of my line of sight. It was like they got swallowed up by the throng. The guy never let go of the Santa.

This most recent Christmas was marked by the near total collapse of my fragile life here (see very first post down below). After jazzing my way out of my friend’s apartment feeling electric and stupid I decided I wanted to sing “White Christmas” at a karaoke bar. The only karaoke bar I have found in Bangkok that caters to farang and actually has a selection of western songs (besides “Happy Birthday”) is this place called Cozy Club in Patpong. I knew for a fact that they had “White Christmas” as I had sung it sometime last spring.

I have been to Cozy Club probably six times in 2 years. The night I discovered it, the room was crammed with old gay Australian dudes singing "What A Wonderful World" and "You Were Always On My Mind." I checked the book, sang “Everything I Own” and split. Then the next four times I went I had the place to myself basically. So on Christmas 2007, I decided this would be my destination. I’d sing my songs and be depressed, miles from home, lost, alone – depressed as all hell but in that awesome Christmas way.

I don’t know what the deal was on this particular night but there was a party going on. A major party, all Thai people going hog wild (as in dancing on the bar, standing on tables, screaming), Before I could turn around and go I was immediately pulled in, pushed onto a stool, handed a cigarette and a beer.

Over the course of the next 30 minutes basically everyone in the bar eventually came up to me and shook my hand and if I didn't have one lit, offered me one of their cigarettes. I didn't see the bartender charge a single person for an endless stream of cocktail refills so I asked this lady if this was a work party and she said, "Nobody work here. We have party for Christmas." Then she stood up on the seat of her booth and started dancing. The DJ recognized me and gave me the microphone and I sang about two verses of "White Christmas" before a Thai pop ballad came on and this girl started singing about her broken heart. It was chaos.

At some point I left. I had to step over people laying on the ground in the doorway.