NAMES

 I was at General Assistance. I was getting food stamps. This was kind of awhile ago. They take all your info and send you to a giant waiting room where they call names over the loudspeaker and send people to various doorways. Eventually they call you and tell you what door to go in. I was sitting there reading and over the loudspeaker the guy said, "So and so go to door 1". After like 50 times he said, "Denzel Washington go to door 3", then he said, "Angelina Jolie go to door 2." Nobody noticed, I couldn't believe it, the guy was totally fucking with everyone in the room. 

I was at the gate at the airport. You know how they call names and say, "We have a full plane if anyone will forgo their ticket we will give you another ticket," and then they start calling names. One of the names they called was fucking Hunter Thompson. That guy or woman whoever was working at the gate had no idea somebody had either given a fake name or there was actually someone named Hunter Thompson on my flight. I figured if there were really someone fucking with everyone they woulda said "Hunter S. Thompson" because the S is kind of important. 

When you are on the plane in this era they assign you people and they push you all around the place. I used to be going to visit my father in Florida a lot. There were no direct flights to his town so I always had a layover at Atlanta. This is a giant fucking airport. There are trains and shit underground and it would take like an hour to get me from my plane to my connection. We were always in line at the elevator and we wait in line with other people in wheelchairs. As we rolled up I would say, "What is this, the winner's circle?" They hated it. No one ever laughed. 

That reminds me, I used to fly into Orlando. When you got off the plane and onto their tram thing, over the loud speaker it would say, "Welcome to Central Florida." Is there anything worse than Central Florida?