DINOSAUR/MORE BUTTHOLE SURFERS

 In 1988 me and my friends saw Dinosaur live. They were still called Dinosaur, it was before the Jr thing. You know they were sent a cease-and-desist order from a band in LA called Dinosaur. That's why they changed it to Dinosaur Jr. I had a roommate in a band called Wild Eyes. They got a cease-and-desist order from another band in LA called Wild Eyes. We were talking about a new name for the band and I suggested Wild Guys. I realized it became gay immediately. They never changed the name. It all just went away though. Funny shit. Back when I saw Dinosaur, Lou Barlow was in the band. We saw them in North Hampton, I think, we were all going to U Mass. The show was at 1pm and it was all ages. I think the club was called The Iron Horse. They had put a rope down the middle of the room, one side for people old enough to drink and the other side for everyone else. I was not old enough to drink yet. When the opening band came out they were a hardcore band and everyone sat down at some tables that were set up. When Dinosaur came out everyone got up and moved up close to the stage. Lou Barlow had an angry look on his face and he said into a microphone, "We think it's lame when people sit down for the opening band and stand up for the headliner." Then they played all hardcore songs and only for 15 minutes, they were pissed. Lou Barlow totally moved around herky jerkily. The thing is I didn't know that J Mascis was autistic then (I think for sure he is autistic. I really think we all are kind of autistic. For awhile now I have thought my own encyclopedic knowledge of useless rock facts is on the autism spectrum. Basically anybody good at anything is autistic in some way. I think autism is just another way to be intelligent, but we don't get it literally AT ALL). I had dinner with J Mascis sometime when he had grey hair so not early, he had a helper, we went and ate Thai food. There was a group of us, it's not like I was having dinner with J Mascis I was just at his dinner. He didn't say a word, he drank orange juice the whole time. He had chopsticks for the food and he totally moved them around like he was doing a guitar solo with the chopsticks, does that even make sense? Irregardless it was pretty fucking cool. When I had seen Dinosaur a thousand years ago I didn't know any of this. Back then, for the last song they covered Guns N Roses "Sweet Child of Mine." J was not snarling or moving angrily, he actually looked happy as hell playing the solo in this last song. It was on the radio. Playing metal was anathema. You know the song is all octaves.

I realized I need to write down everything I know about the Butthole Surfers.

I remember when I saw them live, I saw the guitar player Paul Leary and thought, "that guy is Satan.'" I could swear he had cloven hooves in his cowboy boots. You know those MFers are from Texas, they had cowboy boots on. He was totally playing on his tip toes. Also I thought the singer Gibby Haynes had Down Syndrome, he had that look. He had no shirt on but he was playing one of those fucking 8 foot tall delay units -- they are like towers with a speaker on top and dials in the middle. That's how the vocals all sound like you're doing whip its. I still don't know the name of those things but have always thought when I see them, "you know the band is gonna be good."

 Also when they were on David Letterman for the song "Pepper." It was a huge deal, David Letterman wasn't allowed to say 'butthole' so they were called the BH Surfers. You know when M.I.A. played "Paper Airplanes" they made her take out the gun shot sounds so the song didn't actually make any sense. You know she was giving the finger to the camera when she performed at the Super Bowl, that's pretty fucking cool. The last thing is I have a friend. He lives in New York City and he was at a park with his kids. There was another guy there with a kid, they were both sitting on a bench talking. My friend realized the guy he was talking to was Gibby Haynes.