HOCKEY/FIRST SCHOOL SKIPPING

 I don't know how old I was. I was definitely under 10. I joined the hockey team but I only went to one practice. First of all, I realized I could not skate backwards which you totally have to do a lot in hockey. Secondly, in the locker room the other dudes playing were awful, I remember thinking, "These people are animals." At the end of practice the coach had us all stand in a line on the rink, he went down the line and yelled in each of our faces, when he got to me I remember he was yelling in my face and I could smell beer on his breath. I thought, "I can get this at home" and quit on the spot.

When I was in the 1st grade my school started having us show up at noon, the bus picked us up at like 11am. My parents were both at work by like 9am so I had to get out there on my own. I was waiting for the bus and I had to pee so I went behind a tree. At that moment the bus came, the driver didn't even slow down she just kept going and I realized I didn't have to go to school. I was fucking psyched. 

I went inside and watched Gilligan's Island and ate fucking cherries it was like a party. I filled my dog's water bowl with root beer, I knew my mother would be home soon so I had to make it look good. I cleaned the house. I remember I didn't know how to work the washing machine so I put clothes in it and left it like that. I put a cloth on the table and poured my mother a glass of wine, she had Chianti all over the house. I remember when she got home her and this woman she worked with named Mary Caggiano pulled up in a car, my mother came in, saw the tablecloth and glass of wine and went back out to the car, had Mary come in and showed her. That's all I remember. The next day I did the same thing, except I didn't watch Gilligan's Island, instead I went in the backyard and played, a neighbor saw me and called my father at work.  He said "Michael is not at school and he should be." My father came home. Years later, he told me he hated having to punish me over this. He thought it was funny. What the hell I was in the first grade and already skipping school. He reminded me about this like last year, he's fucking 85 now. My mother never told him I had been skipping school, we were kind of a team.