WAYNE DIDN'T DO IT

There was a developmentally disabled man that rode his ten speed by our house every sunset. Because my father was drunk on the porch he would invite this dude to warm up and have a beer. Every once in a while when this guy would do that, I remember noticing that he became decidedly stupider when he was drinking. He would literally have like one and be fucking way-stid. 

I don't know if you know this but developmentally disabled men are legendarily endowed. Wayne had that reputation. There was a girl in my grade school that was his daughter. I delivered their newspaper. Everyone in the town had talked about Wayne and the idea of him banging all the house wives in our fucking white privileged enclave. But even though this girl was in my classes, no one ever said anything about her possible father. 

There was an ice cream shop in the center of town that everyone went to a lot. It was called Brigham's. Literally everyone went there. Their BLT was other worldly, they also had crinkly fries but you went there for frappes. In the bathroom someone had carved into the door the phrase, "Wayne didn't do it."

When I was 5 or 6 I remember people asking me, "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I remember the first time I said this everyone laughed so I said every time for awhile when asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?", I said, "I wanna be an alcoholic."