ANOTHER BAD WORD BUT FUNNY SHIT

 This story cannot be told without an offensive word, sorry it happens for when it comes up. 

When I was 14 I was at the Elk's with my father. He announced to the bar, "My son is now a man so you can talk to him like a man now." This meant they could swear in front of me. I was sitting next to a guy I worshipped, his name was Joe Oulette. He had been in the Pacific War and totally had tattoos of hula girls on his shoulder and forearm. He was talking to me he'd probably had a couple drinks, beer was only a fucking dollar, I would have had a hundred. Joe Oulette was telling me a story about being in the Navy, at one point he proudly announced, "I was the only guy on my ship that fucked a midget!" 

Another great thing I have about the Elk's is when I was 18 I had a job in the city that I took a train to and from. Every night I had a choice of sitting and waiting for my father to get done drinking and I would drive us home or I could walk 2 miles from the train station to my house. As awful as sitting around while my father got wasted was, I still did it a lot because 2 miles is a long fucking walk. I was there so much in fact that at one point the other people there said, "That kid has to become a member." So I joined. I am an Elk. There was a candlelit ceremony and everything. I remember taking an oath, it was nuts. I never paid the dues once so my membership eventually expired.

Me and my cousin were under 21 but old enough to drive. We were going to a party, it was a Friday night. We needed to borrow my father's car to go so we were at the Elk's to pick it up. We were sitting at the bar while my father drank beers. He turned to my cousin Peter and said, "You wanna leave now or later?" I tried to say with my eyes to Peter, 'Whatever you do, you have to say 'Whenever you wanna go.'" Peter like a normal person said, "Let's go now." It was Friday night and we had been there probably a fucking hour and not said a word. My father said "Fuuuuuuck yooouuuuu" to Peter and one of the guys at the bar said to him, "You just bought yourself another 20 minutes." I'll never forget the look of confusion on Peter's face.